joces

i must say ALL THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON
if the enlightment of it all points towards seeking God first, then what happened was for a cause,
a good one too.

i have wonderful friends ;D

God does what we cannot do so we can be what we dare not dream: perfect before God.

i cant understand guys (a plural to that)
neither do i want to understand them.


why am i no longer excited............

why do i make it so difficult, so complicating.

it's simply your undying love

bleh,not again..

yea,same topic.

i should really get clear my rationale and objectives regarding.....,drilled them in mind.
since that's the reason i joined,
that will remain the only reason i join.

every decision comes with a sacrifice.
just joces, what are you willing to sacrifice?
;D
(i think this is intelligent i will paste it on my wall)

this is puzzling to me actually,
all of a sudden i hardly have assignments,essays or whatsoever to rush.
awells, so i have been camping at facebook, and sleeping more than what health experts say i need,
till i oversleep and feel tired the whole of yesterday.

well 3 more hours before my only lecture of the day followed by care group then camping in NTU to study,yes i do still have stuff to complete,
1) My final theory test (gosh it's 120 pages i m at 12 hee)
2) This simple project due on friday (i have time to email my teacher to ask her simple questions)

now the narration of my event-FULL days.it's really a stark contrast to now..(I M SO GLAD!)
so friday i woke up late as usual went pepper lunching and then off to zihao's hse to play twister and rushing off at 4 plus for MY VERY FIRST NET OUTREACH! SUSHI MAKING!
believe me i can make nice sushi,well the tasty part is not for me to claim credits it was kim's maid who prepared all the ingredients.but now i m so determined to make sushi from scratch all by myself and lengthening my list-of-things-joces-can-cook (other than ONLY potato salad) really appreciated olivia and ben'ten rushing over though they were delayed initially and HI CHIYANG (mayb you are reading this) YOU ARE FUN!hahaha..and it's especially funny to see him mock kim! i really thought everything smoothly and really thank god for bringing the three little ones daniel, michelle and lorraine. suddenly my net is TADAH really BIG. ;D

my next morning was miraculous.i was on time to catch arten's kangoo to airport to send gladys off.and then off to handbilling. while doing handbilling with jon, i was uttering to him how unexpectedly i was there at that moment. firstly i really have no habit of sending people off (this is perhaps the second one apart from sending manda lover off and one would easily assume me not to help out with handbilling.
so after edge i went home to rush my assignment though i suppose lots think i was going back to catch some rest. IT TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED! i reached vivo like one or two hrs later than the time i was supposed to. it was raining we went to catch a movie which i thought did not do any justice to my 8 dollars, he's just not that into you! (yah asmond we significantly have difference taste i read your blog oops, i liked alex and gigi ALOT though, but tt's all) and we arrived in tanjong beach at 3am. and it was surf and sweat event the next day i was at the registration booth and slacked off alot! all was so fun except the part where we were stranded in the rain.groans. 

AND DO THE STORES SELL PILLS FOR BETTER MEMORY? ''hi jocelyn, remember me?'' and followed which i could only give my guilty face. 

ok now to proceed to pg 13 of THE OFFICIAL HANDBOOK,to prepare students for the final driving test!  

i made one decision today.
how many more to go, GROANS.
every situation wants a decision
i detest really having to make one,
not because of the decision i know i will stand for,
but for the one i have to let it go.
i always wish for the world to be understanding.
yet no,

for i am not made of the world.

remember me.

voices that scare i hear many times a week,
yet i went ahead,
now i know what had this become a cause.

staring at my laptop screen, dazed for a while, but many times.
i m left with 100 odd words.
no concentration to finish this up,

ignoring the stagnant orange light,so familar.

 

yupp,it's dearest bi ee's 21st!her party made me want one for my birthday and it made me consider having a party of my own to celebrate the BIG 2! just that i sort of felt claustrophobic/very uncomfortable in the carriage on the train back on our journey to the west from tampines!

i was dreaming of my own party, yes!! with pretty balloons definitely and a banner that says HAPPY BIRTHDAY. and since i like sweet stuff so much, why not a dessert party, with cakes (not chocolate defintely), ice cream (yucks no chocolate flavour), choco fondue and marshmellows, HEAVENLY! at that moment it was all about me myself and my utopian world full of fun and more fun and more desserts...

kim told me the net arrangements are out! (oh that's fast) well i should have expected it. actually i have not expected it since last week, recalling how baffled i ended up, with full of questions in my mind, that i knew where to find the answer yet still wanted to brood over them. now they dont matter really, in fact i am excited and excited that kim is excited. when talking about the net outreach every month, THEN, i just knew what we could do-DESSERT PARTY! ermm yah there goes my plans for my 20th birthday party. but like what i realised last week, nothing beats doing God stuff for the joy welled up at the end of it supercedes else.

my week.things seem to be beyond what i can ever manage.i m not pointing to the convenient/overused escape route of (errr God i think you chose the wrong person)

no one imagined Jesus could rise up from the dead by the power of God after 3 days.i believe in His resurrection.

too long ago since i last blogged.2 words can sum up the last 2 weeks i guess,
'TIRED' and 'BUSY'

and of course the preceding question will be WITH WHAT?
SOME(not all sadly) of my energy to what i want to do since the beginning of the year and the REST of my energy i vaguely suggest they may have been drained by blowing out the seemingly-endless-phlegm STUCK in my lungs and definitely portions to datelines that are to be met(yes joces please be reminded you have one more 5m tall stage backdrop to design) i need to sought God for inspirations as usual,my best.

i want to blog today a happy night in haji lane.

also perhaps one of the longest time that i said what i wanted to say.
saying what i believe in.

;D

i finally have time to even be at the livejournal-post an entry webpage to just waste a little of my night away. the only day of my week that i m least busy,on xmas day itself! i think this week went by too quickly,overloaded with activities and things-to-do(dreads,what else but designs to complete for national vertical marathon) i wish i had taken this week slower like He has reminded me to,so i can be awed by the things He actually created for me to see.

that's why the trekking trip to Datuk was great.to just lie on the rocks stare at the stars.and yes i mean MANY STARS. for they say one city light kills the light of one star,we can hardly spot stars in Singapore.and it feels good to admire at God's creation.(i have never seen such pretty stars really)

i guess i will have to say i enjoy this year's xmas. i m so in love with the oreo cupcakes charis and i baked for the region. (i rarely have successful baking sessions,hence i m so happy) i merely slacked in church after morning service and went home to do work and sleep before dinner with my dad and mum at chinatown.going out with my parents is the best plan when i'm feeling plain LAZY(since i get driven around) and best of all i get to eat good food without forking out a single cent.and my mum paid for a cheapo top and a pair of plain shoes i auntily spotted.it was so cheap.HAHA!well,i m her favourite shopping buddy. gosh i m so tempted to go out with my parents for the third consecutive time tomorrow although they mocked me on both days(yesterday and today) for having no friends/boyfriend when i had dinner with them :( (they tempted me to join them for metro sale at expo)

rahh,i had a weird dream last night.an arranged marriage with someone.LOL!(though i was a little unhappy in the dream cause i didnt even know i was married to him) yup,dreams.

on tuesday,i had to blog about this, i went to bethany independent presbyterian church for their christmas musical and it was great.seeing the spirit of unity working in the church whether those performing or preparing for the service and food, young or old. :D and i was reminded it's amazing how God used Joseph and Mary, two simple people to CHANGE THE WORLD.they really did,for Jesus saves.

and now to think what i can do for nursery duty on saturday! :)

you're my only One.

this is too hard for me.how should i face a group when i m urgggh inside.
i pray i will be fine in 3 hours onwards.

and 2 half hours left of sleep..

 joces likes the song SIMPLE PLAN'S 'SAVE YOU'

And there're so many things that I want you to know
I wont give up till it's over
If it takes you forever I want you to know

That if you fall, stumble down
I'll pick you up off the ground
If you lose faith in you
I'll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up cause I'll be waiting if you fall
Oh you know I'll be there for you

this love song.
reminds me of the love that the world craves and is in search of,a love that will
pick one up when one falls or stumbles down,give one strength when one loses faith 
but yet the world can never give nor satisfy.

I know You'll be always there for me.

He who saves, knows the hearts of people and will not give up.

 

From eating dirty cabbage to chipping off 3 nails to painting a beard on my face, i had so much fun!

youth camp was just awesome this week.i had an awesome group,awesome roomies and God worked awesomely in my life. Besides all the fun from the games which i enjoyed alot(thanks to not-so-dirty-games-i'm-too-old-for-starch,bakedbeans,butter,whatsoever gross),i really want to give God all the thanks and praises for the services which spoke much to me had led me to be more spurred on this walk of mine with Him. It was definitely a time of adjusting my priorities and i can finally see what are the more important things to me and sadly what i held dearly in the past will no longer be. The seed that was sown during youth camp, i really want to see it grow healthily on good soil and as God's light shines on this seed, grow to become a shade to others around me.

let test become testimonies and mess of mine become messages.to God be the glory really,no matter how much i screwed up especially this year i am really amazed how he can turn such things to become good,and through this,i felt Your love like never before. A love that grows stronger as i am weakened.

THANK GOD i did quite well for sem 1 too. :D
and tomorrow i will spend time with veronica and time to get back to foundation lessons!
joces loves her bb net :D


 

i m addicted to busy'ness i thought.
but i guess i am reminded it's more than that.

'The battle in your life is against your joy'

and the book says,' the hassles. the battles. the disappointments. the losses. the resignation.' by which the enemy tries to take away all the joy from my life. uh-huh i m robbed. 'where's my joy?' i see myself carrying baggages of disappointments more often than not with myself, my misplaced attention, unneccessary worries and insecurities. perhaps being preoccupied with tons of work, and contented with a usual meet up with close girlfriends which warms my heart instantly when i could find the time to, left me unanswered if i ever saw the importance of experiencing the full measure of His joy. i still remember the start of my liberty(after biding goodbye to stinking exams temporarily for two months),i went out crazily with friends(and i meant excessively crazy) i was happy yet it worn me out and a week of i-give-up-going-out-everyday left me feeling sort of weird,empty perhaps. it's just so easy to want to climb to You when i m helpless,but how about every day from now? 

i thank God out of boredom i took out this book of mine to read.to push me to crave for something more.not from the world anymore for it really doesnt satisfy me inside or rather it only satisfies for the moment.i want more of God's.still searching,still reading,still listening...

and today is Dylan's first month!it's so thrilling to have a one-month-old baby in my arms.gosh i wont ever say i dont feel like having a baby to save the hassle of changing diapers and endless cryings.babies are the nicest things on earth!(joces feels so right now)

joces cant wait for youth camp.she's started packing,really!i know i m deserting all my work at hand (though i have worked hard in a week's advance so to be more responsible for the event which i am incharge of-publicity) just to go for the camp. and why i cant wait,i know i can leave all the work in this island and ride off to a land faraway.(well quite far by bus still)

ps i m still excited about tmr's dempsey outing with wenxiang,joyce,wanling and sinyee who will be driving but oops more excited for youth camp actually(not the waking up at 6am on monday though)

BLIZZARD!

by choice,i was stuck at home.not exactly,i went for a run. and i declare running alone BORING! i remember being more motivated when i was running with my dad last week. it was at least the only productive achievement of the day after indulging in nearly 12hours of sleeping and i need to atone for my laziness,gosh,i keep pushing back what i have to do for publicity(national vertical marathon,yess the stairs thingy,yesss the posters and banners and my best friend for the day is photoshop). my great plans of meeting wenxiang after dinner was obviously not realised too-we are lazy as usual.

bleh,if only...at a touch of a button i could think about something else other th...

choosing to live for what i cant live without obviously overrules the choice to live for what i want to live with.YES JOCES!

finally 180 outreach is over!thank God firstly for the lines coming out of me smoothly during my act as the braceletgirl!(credits to god please)gosh i was panicking so much and praying like umpteen times(i am sure God was so sick of me repeating the same prayers then) and it was one of the better times i have performed over the past many practices.now being home staring at the 14.1 inches screen i am kinda thankful i dont have to make anymore frequent trips to yishun just for drama practices.and i thank God i can be part of this whole production.and also i m really touched by clarence and gang,who didnt make it but wanted so much to support me(my sec 5 cow gang while i refief teach in fajar) hooray! most importantly i want to thank joyce and vanessa for coming though it'skinda wasted they didnt get to do the free manicure.

winning really isnt that important.because i know EVERYONE really did put in their best.and so happy to see region 11/12 clinching the championship for the dance competition and it was really 'wow' when they put on those cute little dance suits.all of them are so cute really!!(pouts* i didnt have the time to give them a hug each) but i mustnt deny i m a fan of region 7/8's dance too!considering i saw them practice so many times while i was in yishun rehearsing for my own part.it's just so awesome to see the people of God putting in effort not for the cashprice or the title but ultimately to put up a good show for the glory of God.the efforts of many people for 180 to be such a success really touched my heart,be it the video,sound,dance,drama,pam.....and so much more.

i still want to thank God once again for using me.you planned to use me for today even u saw how i would have fallen short of what you wanted me to be.for this i want to thank you for not giving up on me,really.

and for today,i wish for someone who will share the same beliefs as me for the rest of my life and pushing each other on in the walk with God.(MUAHAHAHA,maybe i should start wearing beads that bring me luck hur.TOTALLY KIDDING)

joces

because i am unworthy, because i am undeserving, because i am feeling defeated,i remember you calling me to cry out, 'I NEED YOU TOO MUCH' , i need you to defeat me. so it's you that all reigns in me.

a cross. my heart yearns to draw. the world needs to see a difference, and you told me the need to make it clearer, i will try like what you say to 'press harder..'

For just as through the disobedience of the one man,the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be righteous. and now i say i'll trust in you, i believe in all things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

i cant wait for sunday.aside from all the feelings i m feeling inside now.i just know you will do a great work on sunday. through me too,thank you jesus.

joces
(Rom 5:19; Rom 6:21, Rom 8:32)